Generating Authentic Power

Our society, it seems, is set up as an accomplishment-driven world. What this means is that we value and measure each other - especially as men - by what we can and what we have done. I must tote around my resume of accomplishments in order to be seen either as a man of my word or as a valued, results-producing go-getter.

But when men reach a certain age or level of maturity, accomplishments are no longer the measure of worth.  In the second half of life (as Richard Rohr calls it) our goal is more about creating worth through what we give rather than what we get or win. This all came to a head yesterday as I talked with a friend and contemporary (he is as old as me) who was signing up for a goal-crunching program in order for him to up his personal integrity.  This man said that in his life he has seen where he has often not accomplished what he said he would and that he has not "shown up as his word" far too often.

I asked him what he though integrity meant to him and he told me that it meant doing what you say you will do.  Well, that may be true, especially in an accomplishment oriented first-half-of-life society.  Integrity is the consistency between what you say and what you do.  But in the second half of life we lose the fascination with trophies and points, so integrity of our word takes on a different texture and flavor. "What if," I asked him, "you looked at integrity as telling the truth about where you are right now?"

The wisdom and power of integrity at that point would look like telling others how much being out of integrity in the past has cost you.  You could look at the wounds and scars you have and say, "This is where I failed to do suchandso a thing, and here is what happens when you don't do that." and so on.  How powerful it is to be fully present to one's failures and the lessons learned from them, instead of pretending that history didn't teach him anything and having him try to (once again) white knuckle through another program of goals and accomplishments. Doing the later would no doubt result in another imbalanced list of losses and a few wins, and further the evidence of his life that he cannot accomplish these huge piles of goals - and that therefore he must suffer one more hit to his pride and integrity in the accomplishment world.

Enough is enough! He does not need anymore evidence.  What he needs, if anything, is the ability to tell the truth and to be fully aware and present to his results and lack thereof. Then, standing in the truth, fully aware of the associated pains and joys of his life, he can finally claim his authority - authority in his own life and his authority for the wisdom he dispenses. It may be hard to face the truth, and even harder to stay fully present to it, but the power that reveals is immense.

Male Spirituality

I have been wondering lately - especially as I read more and more of Richard Rohr's writing on the subject (http://www.cacradicalgrace.org/) - if the time has come to call for a new form of spirituality that appeals to men. I am not talking God talk here, but rather am referring to an understanding of the sacredness of life and a reverence for the world at large. Clearly these have suffered at the hands of man (and I do mean men, not humanity). There is less respect for life - wars, murder and genocide continue at horrifying levels - and the biosphere we call our planet is endangered - stripped of the life-giving rain forests, and polluted in every aspect, the air, the water and the soil that sustain us. Yes it is clear that we humans - we men - are in dire need of a new spirituality.

Religious movements, it seems, have coopted the term (and the practice) of spiritual reverence. Churches dressed it up in linen and lace and perfumed it into pettiness and pomp. In other circles, we are told that we have to meditate a certain way or do yoga a certain way or chant in some weird dialect of Sanskrit - there is always a right way to do it! But men don't seem to relate to formulaic spirituality, at least that how it seems to me. We men relate to the physical, the tangible and the experiential. I understand that when the astronauts first saw earth from outer space, they were moved to begin a whole movement of conservation and one of them even founded what is now called the Institute of Noetic Sciences because it opened him up to an "inner knowing" of the connection of all things. He experienced it and suddenly had a spiritual reverence for things.

But not all of us can get into outer space and pictures just don't do the same thing. What we need is more time to walk in the woods (what's left of them), time to do a vision quest, or perhaps just a couple days or a week with a struggling family helping them build a small place of their own to live in. We have to get out and into the real world in order to be touched by its spirit. Enough with the lives of the rich and famous - enough! If I hear another money-grubbing rich dude story I just may go off the deep end, after I throw up. Enough with Dancing with the Stars; Enough with TV 'reality" shows - that is not reality. Reality is the human struggle for meaning and brotherhood. Reality is touching another person.

Men, our world is out of balance and going downhill pretty rapidly; the preponderance of the wealth of the world is held by less than a half percent of the population while those living in abject poverty are closing in on 50%. Who will right this ship, if not us? What can or will you do? If you get a chance, see the documentary "I Am" (http://iamthedoc.com/). It won't tell you what to do, but it just might resonate with something inside you and get you into action. Maybe if one of us tells another, and he tells another after that, maybe we can start a movement. I has to start somewhere. Why not here and now?