The Art of War (part 2)

You may wonder why we chose to write about the “art of war” in this a blog on relationship success. The simple truth is that men can relate to warring and battles. In addition, we need to recognize that for over 2,500 years Sun Tzu’s The Art of War has stood as one of the most circulated and universally used piece of “relationship” wisdom on the planet. This is the second in a series of postings based on Master Sun’s craft of engaging with others for successful resolution of conflicts.
Tien. Timing, they say is everything. Or to quote Ecclesiastes, “To everything there is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven.” In relationship, as in battle, timing makes all the difference between success and failure; between winning and losing. Master Sun taught that there are two kinds of tien, personal timing, and universal timing. Personal timing is your agenda – the idea that certain things should happen in a certain order or by a certain time in your life, or it is unacceptable. But universal timing is the natural rhythm and flow of all things. Sun Tzu says the goal is always to align your time to/with universal time and to be in harmony with the flow. If you are exerting effort in making your case or in pushing a cause, most likely you are out of sync with universal time.
In relationship this means that you need to exercise judgment when engaging with your spouse. There may be a particular issue you do need to bring up but knowing when to “pop the question” is critical. As always our egos can suck us into something that is best left to another time. You may have to ripen your thoughts before they are ready to harvest and other times you may want to just plant the seed for something to grow that may not even be ready in months. Sometimes it may be best in a heated discussion to lay out an idea but, allowing it time to peculate, not drive for the “close” at that time. Timing is everything.