The Art of War (part 4)

You may wonder why we chose to write about the “art of war” in this a blog on relationship success. The simple truth is that men can relate to warring and battles. In addition, we need to recognize that for over 2,500 years Sun Tzu’s The Art of War has stood as one of the most circulated and universally used piece of “relationship” wisdom on the planet. This is the fourth in a series of postings based on Master Sun’s craft of engaging with others for successful resolution of conflicts.
Jing. One of the most referred-to and yet misunderstood of Master Sun’s principles is Jing or Leadership. How well are you leading in this relationship? Believe it of not, your wife wants your leadership – she really wants to know where you want to take it, so that she will be able to work her relationship magic in making it happen. However this is not an invitation to have it your way. In Sun Tzu’s world a leader was the one who lead through the will of the people. As his contemporary, simply referred to as the Old Man (the literal translation of Lao Tzu, the author of the Tao de Ching) said, “the greatest leader is the one of whom the people said, ‘we did it ourselves.’”
Sun Tzu says that a leader must be wise, trustful, benevolent, courageous and disciplined. That’s a tall order. You need to step up to the plate in leading this family, but it is not a matter of authoritative leadership, just as much as it is not a suggestion to lead by example. It is the way in which you decide, the evidence that you are always moving from and for the common good of the family that will give her a sense of your leadership. Take the lead, and take it clearly and powerfully, but take it with all humility and generosity you can muster. It may be better not to take the lead than to barge ahead unthinkingly, or to make a waffling decision. And in all of your leadership, you must be disciplined; a state that requires your constant training and shaping of your will and your being.