“Balanced” Masculinity

There is some popular mythology about men needing to “embrace” their femininity in order to be balanced in relationship. We would like to suggest an alternative interpretation. But before we get there, we might submit that the stuff about embracing your femininity is the residual of the feminist movement of the 60’s and 70’s. During that time, as women took the stage and claimed their rights to be humans of equal stature to their male counterparts (and every bit of that is absolutely right on), it became more than unfashionable to be masculine. It became evil and wrong, and as a result men had to become feminized. Those who refused or couldn’t become sensitive new-aged guys, were labeled Neanderthals and Cretans. I remember learning that I must sit (I am too tall and therefore by my very being, I was seen as domineering) when I spoke to/with women.

But there is something missing in this discussion. We humans were made male and female by our maker (or by grand design or whatever you want to believe). We are males, through and through, and we do not have to pretend for a moment that we have some feminine aspects in order to be balanced and a healthy member of this relationship. The proof is right in front of you. Take a look at your genitals. There are two elements to male sexuality: one – the one we tend to over balance toward – is protruding, up and hard. In its essence, the penis is the “definition” of what we think it means to be male. You are designed as a heat-seeking missile, to seek out and thrust into the world around you. This element is strong and hard and powerful. BUT, there is another part to your genitalia – just below the power unit is a soft sac containing your most vulnerable element – the testes. Your testicles are the source of all creativity – the source of life (perhaps our female counterparts want us to forget that fact since they carry the resultant effect of our life-creating element). But they are quite soft, tender and in need of protection.

However we forget that we have this tenderness as well – until and unless we get a kick in the groin! Any of you who have had that life-altering experience know the sick-in-the-gut feeling of not taking care to protect your vulnerability. So you need to remember this – and it is the source of your ability to gain balance as a man. You are hard AND soft, giving AND receiving, penetrating AND able to be deeply wounded. Balanced masculinity is both and you need to know that in order to bring all of you into the relationship. Too much “dick” and you become a violent conqueror; a rapist loose in the world. You will seek and destroy. The balance our testicles remind us of is non-violence and peace seeking/peace making. But if we are all “nuts,” we appear to be effeminate and passive. You must be both in order to manifest your true masculinity in your relationship.