Sun Tzu and The Art of War

You may wonder why we chose to write about the “art of war” if this a blog on relationship success. The simple truth is that men can relate to warring and battles. In addition, we need to recognize that for over 2,500 years The Art of War has stood as one of the most circulated and universally used pieces of “relationship” wisdom on the planet. We would wager that you could go into the sales office of any major corporation in the country and find at least one copy of Master Sun’s wisdom on the shelf there. But the bottom line for us is that Sun Tzu was a master of the craft of engaging with others for the successful resolution of conflicts that had arisen between two people, two factions or two nations.
Master Sun laid out five principles in mastering these conflicts, which we will write about over the next several entries. They were: 1. Tao (righteousness or ethics), 2. Tien (timing), 3. Di (resources including location), 4. Jiang (leadership), and , 5. Fa (execution and follow-through). As a man in relationship, you would be well-advised to listen to the wisdom of this ancient master. Applied to the art of relating to your wife and winning the long-term engagement of marriage, there is much from which we could benefit.
Tao. The first and foremost principle of winning concerns righteousness, morals and ethics. You must always - in all aspects of your relationship with our wife - operate from a well-founded code of ethics. Ask yourself if you have a Code of Honor or a clearly defined set of moral principles at your foundation. If you cannot recite them – it is most likely that you do not. It is not sufficient to “think” that you have a moral underpinning. You need to know them, memorize them and act only from that base. The word Tao roughly translates in English as “the way.” It is used to refer to the way of heaven, the way of the universe and the nature of all things.
Embedded within this concept is a sense of the ultimate wholeness or oneness of all things. In Tao are both male and female, right and wrong, good and bad, real and imaginary. These things are inextricable from each other. There cannot be maleness without femininity. A good choice on one day may be wrong on another – both are contained in each other. It is for that reason that Sun Tzu built his leadership principles on the requirement of a strong moral ethic. He understood that this principle demanded that the leader inspect the current action in the context of the ultimate outcome. In your marriage, and in each encounter with your woman, you are challenged to ask yourself, “How righteous is my objective?” Is your action being driven by your ego or by your neediness? If so, just check it at the door when you come home – it has no place in your relationship.